I felt the surge of static all over my body. The feeling stayed for a while, numbing my senses. Then I felt very light. Suddenly all colors became a myriad of emotions. Everything abound me seemed to become as beautiful as rainbow. I felt myself drifting away. Away from what? I wanted to ask. But I was more overwhelmed by the beauty.
I saw my body lying on the familiar bed, facing opposite my wife. The face was never a face of contentment. Poor me. Always dreaming for joy I could never find but could never find it. Always hoping for the blissful peace of mind that seemed so elusive in this world.
But what is this? Is this still the world I know? I felt drifting away from it every minute. The sensation was different. The feeling was so strange, yet so pleasing. It was the most delightful feeling I ever had since I started knowing life. It was beyond life. It was beyond reality.
Reality drifted away from me. I found myself in a state of nothing, completely aware of peace, peace I've never had. It was a peace that made me smile. It was a peace I have always longed for.
Then the feeling of loneliness started building up inside me, like a thorn in my heart that I wanted to ease but I could not. I looked around and searched for other beings like me, but I could not find anyone. I was alone in that void. There was none to be with. What is the purpose of existing in any state if I would be alone? What is the use of beauty if you could not share it?
I discovered a new truth. After finding the peace of mind almost everyone is searching for, you would eventually turn to find someone to share it with.
In real life, that peace is impossible.
Even if it could be possible, sharing it would be a disaster.
Peace is destroyed the moment you share peace with another.
Pity.
I did not notice the tear drop falling from my eye.
You're not alone...
I heared the voice from my mind more than from my ear. It was the most beautiful female voice I have ever heard. I turned around and saw her. No, I did not saw her. My five senses seemed to be gone. I am now sensing with my heart. I am seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling, and tasting with my heart. Or is it really my heart?
Who are you? I asked her. I could not make up better words though I wanted to. The words came off like instinct, coming from within instead of from the lips.
I am she, she told me.
The feeling of joy on meeting her was already inexplicable. It felt as if our souls are bridged immediately by the nothingness surrounding us. It was as if I was a cotyledon of a seed and she was the other half. She seemed to be my perfect match, seeing through emotions, feeling through the heart.
Thank you for being here, I said. I felt her happiness. I felt her smile. I could feel through her. I could see what she saw. And I could feel her sense of fulfilment on meeting me.
It is I who must thank you, she replied.
Her heart met mine, as if we're drawn to a tight embrace but the sensation was more than that. I felt her heart expressing happiness, contentment, peace, and love. Somehow I feel the same way, and I knew she felt through me.
My soul skipped with joy. It felt like heaven.
I have been looking for you, she told me.
I know, I answered. Me too...
Today Madisyn is exactly one month old!! last night she fussed so much i barely slept. Today im a little cranky from lack of sleep but i guess ill be ok!! i have an amazing mother as i may have told you before she got up with maddi this morning at 6:30 when she started crying! My mom is terrific any time i need her to get up with maddi she does it helps me so much!! she lets me nap during the day when i need to.. she is just totally amazing!! im truly lucky to have a mom as wonderful as mine.. she means the world to me!!
MOM,
your trully amazing and you mean the world to me.. i wanna tell you how much i love you tho i think you already know!! I love you so much.. as a mom, as
I can't believe how quickly I can change my mind about things.
The guy i was so completely and helplessly head over heels for, doesn't really do that to me anymore. I still like him but honestly, what is it worth? He has made me wait so long and if things are just going to change now, it seems like he never thought I was worth it. He had to check everyone else first to see if they were better than me. And even now? Is he interested? Probably not.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Ron is still in ICU at ETMC. The infection isbetter but he still needs some antiobiotics!! Your thoughts and prayers are always appreciated.
Youth Of The Nation Lyrics Last day of the rest of my life I wish I would've known Cause I didn't kiss my mama goodbye I didn't tell her that I loved her and how much I care Or thank my pops for all the talks And all the wisdom he shared Unaware, I just did what I always do Everyday, the same routine Before I skate off to school But who knew that this day wasn't like the rest Instead of taking a test I took two to the chest Call me blind, but I didn't see it coming Everybody was running But I couldn't hear nothing Except gun blasts, it happened so fast I don't really know this kid Even though I sit by him in class Maybe this kid was reaching out for love Or maybe for a moment He forgot who he was Or maybe this kid just wanted to be hugged Whatever it was I know it's because [chorus:] We are, We are, the youth of the nation Little Suzy, she was only twelve She was given the world With every chance to excel Hang with the boys and hear the stories they tell She might act kind of proud But no respect for herself She finds love in all the wrong places The same situations Just different faces Changed up her pace since her daddy left her Too bad he never told her She deserved much better Johnny boy always played the fool He broke all the rules So you would think he was cool He was never really one of the guys No matter how hard he tried Often thought of suicide It's kind of hard when you ain't got no friends He put his life to an end They might remember him then You cross the line and there's no turning back Told the world how he felt With the sound of a gat Who's to blame for the lives that tragedies claim No matter what you say It don't take away the pain That I feel inside, I'm tired of all the lies Don't nobody know why It's the blind leading the blind I guess that's the way the story goes Will it ever make sense Somebody's got to know There's got to be more to life than this There's got to be more to everything I thought exists
I'm still alive, for now... and hopefully for a while. I got really down the other day. I got closer than I ever had before. It's a little scary thinking about it. When someone asks me about the future it's hard for me to answer because most of the time I don't know if I'll have one.
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ronowen 70, Male, Texas, USA - 114 entries